June 2010
1 post
i come in peace.
Sightings of aliens were common in the Arizona desert. Although they were friendly, the locals felt threatened. So they bought guns.
One night, a young alien crossed the wrong back yard—bang!
Poor bastard was looking for the land of opportunity, just wanted to feed his family back in Mexico.
May 2010
5 posts
RE: Late
Hey guys. Motorcycle stolen. Biking in. Will be late. Not sure by how
much. Depends how windy it is. See you soon.
Actually, (I’m really sorry)….my mind is elsewhere right now. I’m
going to have to reschedule. I’ll let you guys know. Really
sorry.
FaelanBlair.com
New look! Classic poor taste…
(yep. there’s 50.)
Tough Decisions
The house was in flames. From the window, a baby cried.
The man had to act fast. As he entered the burning house he had a choice to make: He could save his baby, or he could save his Jackson Pollock “painting.”
He decided: “I can always make more babies.”
bad taste in jokes.
“Tell me a joke,” they said.
“Ok. Fine. What’s the difference between a dead baby and a Jackson Pollock ‘painting’?”
“What?”
“I don’t have a Jackson Pollock ‘painting’ hanging upside down in my closet.”
“That’s fucked up!” they said, “How can you joke around with something like a Jackson Pollock?”
A gift for a dying woman.
A woman is dying of cancer. The doctors gave her 2 weeks, tops.
Her daughter gave her a gift. When she unwrapped it and looked at it, she felt life rush through her veins.
Her next x-rays came back—the cancer was gone.
The gift was a Jackson Pollock “painting.”
OCD
I woke up in the morning and made my bed. I stacked the pillows nicely then went to work. When I got home I watched some TV, ate dinner, went online. Then I removed the pillows and went to sleep. The next morning, I woke up and made my bed.
April 2010
8 posts
Running II
Paul read somewhere that running for an hour a day would increase his life by 3 years.
So he got some running shoes and ran an hour every day.
One week later, during his daily run, a fat guy eating French fries while driving ran him over. Paul died instantly.
Running.
John read somewhere that running for an hour a day would increase his life by 3 years.
So he got some running shoes and ran an hour a day, every day.
While on his deathbed, he did the math and realized that he wasted 3 years of his life running.
I come in peace.
Sightings of aliens were common in the Arizona desert. Although they were friendly, the locals felt threatened. So they bought guns.
One night, a young alien crossed the wrong back yard—bang!
Poor bastard was looking for the land of opportunity, just wanted to feed his family back in Mexico.
DISCLAIMER.
***guys, i swear i don’t talk like this, or live this for that matter. please don’t think i’m crazy, i swear i’m a good christian boy.***
Babylon, summarized.
“Son, you can go hunting anywhere you want, but don’t go east. Don’t cross the river. The gods live there; they’ll kill you.”
“I’m old enough. I’m not scared. I’m ready. I’m going.”
Bird flies. Panther dies. Boy arrives.
“I’ll be damned. No gods here, only men—its New York.”
in-sink-erator
“Shit!” Tammy said as her engagement ring fell in the sink.
She stuck her hand in and moved her tiny fingers carefully around the blades. She felt mushy tomatoes and carrots, but no ring.
“Why are you washing dishes in the dark?” John asked as he flipped the wrong switch.
Max was a good dog
Max loved to play; everything was a toy. When he chewed on shoes, Peter sent him to his cage. Max was sorry.
As the vet squeezed the syringe, Peter cried.
“You were a good boy, Max.”
Max looked up one last time.
“You thought that baby was just a toy.”
Mary's baby.
When Mary’s vagina began bleeding, she felt relief; she thought she was losing the alien’s baby.
But the blood was from the little beast chewing his way out. Mary fell. A claw ripped through her abdomen, and the creature crawled out.
He fed on his surrogate mother’s organs then left.